This is the first year Christmas has come on a post day.

I’m not sure how I feel about that.  Usually, I write a post in advance to avoid any commitments or interruptions.

But not this time.

Shame & Anxiety filled holidays

In the past, I struggled with shame about how I preferred to spend my Christmas holidays. So I would evade questions or give breezy answers until people stopped asking me.  It’s easier than getting the pitying looks and having to face the whispers and concern about being lonely or alone for the holidays.  Or feeling the need to explain why I enjoy solitary Christmas days full of quiet and relaxation.  Or having to answer questions about why I choose not to spend time with family or friends.

Rest & Relaxation filled holidays

But this year, I’ve embraced my Christmas experience.  It’s been shaped by past and present memories, by personal values and preferences, and by my choice to honor the spirit of Christmas and Thanksgiving.  It also appeals to the practical side of my nature.

I want to be present as much as possible.  I want to remember what scares me about the holidays and why so that I can reclaim Christmas for myself.  I want to learn how to cope with the trauma and triggers so that some future Christmases can be spent with family and friends too.

This year’s holiday plan:

  • Send holiday cards to friends and family
  • Make a shopping list of grounding/comfort food and items for holiday meals
  • Cook food on Christmas eve
  • Connect with friends and family to say Merry Christmas
  • Do some things that feel good on Christmas eve
  • Download some e-books and borrow others from the library
  • Try to sleep on Christmas Eve night
  • Sleep in/relax on Christmas day
  • Wake up when I feel like it; eat when I feel like it
  • Sleep some more (and let the memories flow in and out)
  • Read, relax, enjoy the quiet so opposite to past holidays

Future holiday plan (for when I stop moving and settle in):

  • Decorate for Christmas with a tree and some wreaths, maybe plants too
  • Go out and enjoy some holiday cheer at community events
  • Maybe spend Christmas Eve/Day with people
  • And almost everything on the other holiday plan

Conclusion

A plan doesn’t always work for everyone.  But having some activities or tools in mind for when the triggers hit helps a lot.  So does dreaming or having hope.

I am not ashamed of how I spend my Christmases anymore.  I relish the idea of rest & relaxation in a time when everyone else is burdened with “have to do” lists that cause more negative stress than pleasure.

If ever there came a time when I did choose to be busy, that would be because I CHOSE to include entertaining and socializing into the holiday.  Not for any other reason.

Whatever you celebrate, however you celebrate, I/We all wish you a happy, healthy, safe seasons’s greetings.

Thanks for reading

Advertisements