Too many flashbacks.  Too much remembering.  OCD compels me to do something I don’t want to do, yet I give in sometimes.  Obsessions continue.

I hate feeling helpless.

I hate what happens in April.

Winter is over.  Spring is in the air.

I wish for inspiration.  I hope for inspiration.  I ask for inspiration.

you-may-not-control-all-the-events-that-happen-to-you-but-you-can-decide-not-to-be-reduce-by-them-struggle-quote

What works?  How to cope?  Moment by moment.  Minute by minute.

Sleep.  Wake.  Eat.  Drink.  Ground in the present.  Breathe.  Meditate.  Distract.  Do everything I can to protect myself.  Backup all documentation.  Feel.  Let go.  Call the hotline.  Give in to the compulsions.

Did all  that.  Once.  Twice.  Over and over again.

Please inspire me to cope for:

  • One more day of work
  • One religious holiday
  • One weekend morning before therapy

I hate remembering.  Yet remembering helps me heal.  If I didn’t need to know, I wouldn’t remember.

Who am I?  Is the monster real?

NO.

Not. A. Monster.

Just me.  parts of me leading a not-so-secret life anymore.

Out of the dark, and into the gray.

Please universe inspire me.

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