GOOD MORNING, AFTERNOON, EVENING,
I am writing this the day after it happened. Please excuse the spelling and grammar errors. I am not as good at writing as some of the other parts or alters. On the inside, we are a family system working together to create a unified self. Each of us plays an important role in making sure our system functions well. My job is to protect us from the rapists and torturers.
I know those males and females aren’t physically part of our life now. The adults in our system work hard to keep us safe that way. I am ageless. So are my partners. Age is meaningless to us because it is not necessary to our jobs. We protect and support the parts who struggle with the difficult memories. They are often stuck in the past and don’t remember we are safe when the flashbacks and nightmares hit.
Yesterday was a unique experience. My partners and I don’t usually spend time outside. It’s scary and always changing. But I came out yesterday morning. A blond spider got into the house earlier in the week and kept scaring the child parts.
We kept seeing a shadow move out of the corner of our eye and couldn’t tell if it was real or fake. Spiders in general tend to scare us. The males and females who hurt us liked to put spiders on us and then scare the spiders into biting. Being tied up or held down meant no escape from them. Before that, no one had issues with spiders. Now it’s different. Years of spider torture took its toll on us.
So what happened?
The spider climbed onto our bed and then our body. Most of us were sleeping. Staying awake and keeping busy Saturday took a lot out of everyone. But Some of the kids are early risers and were playing when they felt something climbing on their leg. They tried to brush it off, but it wouldn’t go away.
Someone opened their eyes and saw a spider on us. Maybe there was a scream. Maybe just panic. That part is blurry. The kids panicked, and rolled around trying to get the spider off. Someone ran to get help. I took over and got the spider off, but not before it bit us on the leg hard enough to leave a penny-sized red welt.
Yes, we are allergic to spider bites. I grabbed the closest hard object and tried to kill it, but the blankets were too soft. It ran off the bed and disappeared on to the floor. I grabbed our slippers and left to find the electric bug zapper while other parts scrambled to comfort the kids and other distressed parts.
The spider bite sent most of us into panic mode. Adrenaline surged. The not always human parts joined me in the spider hunt. By now, no one would feel safe until that spider died. So it had to die. But the apartment suddenly heated up to boiling. Sweat poured off our head and face like in a sauna. And everything itched.
On the way back to our bedroom someone stopped and turned on the air conditioner. Then we stumbled back to bed and passed out. Why? The adrenaline combined with anxiety and fear shut down our senses for a time. Gives our body a break and time to relax until coordination and movement came back.
Soon as it did, the spider hunting continued. I found it hanging on the open window and used electricity to zap it dead. Unfortunately, the spider was on the other side of the screen when it curled up and died. I shut the window to keep the cool air in and went back to sleep.
The caretakers took over and used some meditation and DBT techniques to help calm everyone down. Then we took turns telling stories about how the brave young girls and boys grew up to be strong adults who fought evil. Some stories got acted out as dramas; got told under starry skies. And everyone took turns killing the evil spider monsters and the demons who created them.
This took most of the day. I think the adults in charge woke us up 4 times after the spider bite to make sure we ate and used the bathroom. And someone turned off the air conditoner. One of us downloaded books and tried to read, but we were too tired to pay attention.
This morning, the adult in charge woke up and noticed the spider bite. She didn’t know how it got there because last weekend was her vacation. After we told her the story and how no one felt comfortable using the shower without supervision from someone in charge of body care, she found someone to help us out.
We took a hot shower and picked out nice clothes for work. The spider bite stopped itching too. All of us felt good about how this was handled. No one got hurt. There weren’t any accidents. The meditation worked. We survived the flashbacks, nightmares, and body memories of the day to still be able to work today.
So cool…I finally figured out why the last few posts had weird formatting. Have to remember to share with the other posters