Quotes & Affirmations: from Tara Brach

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Like most of the images here, I got this via Google search engine and am grateful for the many people who upload and share such information for free.  THANK YOU!!!

So why this quote?

Well, to be honest, my parts and I feel a little broken.   Or maybe a lot broken.  And none of us want to go outside and enjoy the beautiful day.  It’s 95 degrees and sunny.  Absolutely beautiful.

But it’s my time of the month (a little late, but not missed), and I’ve been feeling triggered.  The flashbacks are not sequential or even really related to each other as far as I can tell.  And almost all of them relate to my body feeling uncomfortable.  As if my body is signalling to the brain that all of us should feel anxious and beware of scary, potentially humiliating experiences to come.

So when I woke up this morning and realized I wouldn’t be sleeping anymore, I decided to indulge in some food treats.  Non-dairy ice cream with plain water and frozen blueberries as ice cubes for breakfast.  That helped cool me down and hydrate.  Plus can’t ever go wrong with chocolate.

Next, taking back a bit of summer fun…

I love corn on the cobb.  Yet sometimes the memories of corn on the cobb bring on flashbacks.  Today, I faced my fear and cooked the corn in my pressure cooker.  Delicious!

But still not helping with the broken feeling.  Or the bits and pieces of memory stitching themselves together as I type this.

What else?

A shower.  Turning on the fan.  Some cleaning.  Changing into “real” clothes.

Re-reading a mystery novel.

Most important emotionally:

Allow myself to feel broken.  Remember and understand what my alters are telling me.  Let my body hurt.  Relax and remind myself that staying inside is okay.

Most important physically:

That sweating in heat is normal.  That I can find ways to cool down.  That taking multple cooling showers is okay too.  No one has to avoid the shower.

Most important spiritually:

It’s okay to be broken.  And it’s okay to let the broken parts mend.

Thanks for reading

Back to Basics: Self Care week

It’s March again.

The depression and feelings of shame/badness/evil are back.  I had a panic attack between yesterday and today.  It felt different, but I still had to take  the day off to sleep.

The body memory pain lessens with each acupuncture treatment – cupping and body work are helping too.  But the other pain – pain that comes from the toxins clogging my face and abdomen – increases.

While I am grateful for the pain (it means the toxins are moving out of my body) the headaches and sinus aches are triggering and distracting.  The back pain and abdominal pain feel scary until I burp or fart.  Then it feels slightly embarrassing.  Also feels triggering.

All I have to do is focus on self care until my next appointment with the counselor.  That’s what we agreed on in today’s session.  Me take care of myself in the best way possible.  Sleep.  Cook.  Be active, but not too active.  Conserve energy.  Prioritize goals.  Work.

And maybe this time the feelings of being evil, incompetent, stupid, etc. will not win.

Thanks for reading.